so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
