Im at strip club and am horny
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
