HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He has the fingertips of a God
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