it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
