At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I could fuck to npr.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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