I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
