That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
