He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
