the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
