sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
BRING THE BAGELS
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
