a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
