My room smells like vodka and shame
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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