Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
