i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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