we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
