Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
