I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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