Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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