You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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