i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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