Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
