My boss' voice literally gives me gas
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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