he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
