There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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