You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
