Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
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