Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
