What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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