dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
