Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
