another moral hangover. fuck.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
