As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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