I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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