no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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