You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
