Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
