Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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