It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
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I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
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I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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