Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
