She is in my trunk
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
