saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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