she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
