Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
