Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
