I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
