She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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