no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
