I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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