awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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