If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
