So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
