yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
