so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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