just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
