Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
