I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Boobs speak an international language.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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