I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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