my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
