I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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