God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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