It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
