my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's official drugs can't kill me
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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