it wasn't lemon gatorade
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
