Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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