Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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