I think im going to throw up on grandma
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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