i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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