You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
