Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
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