so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
