I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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