....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
