Do you still have your period?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
