Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
