He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
