I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
im calling her cock vulture from now on
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
