i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
