I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
