Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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