the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
