did you get engaged???
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
