saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
